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Frank Luntz
Robert Novak
Tucker Carlson
Delays (such as "Tom")
David Norris
Alan Keyes
Karen Hughes
Karl Rove
Warren Sapp
Ann H. Coulter
Bill O’Reilly
George W. Bush
The Governator
Enron
cooked books
Rick Santorum
the price of gas
Blackouts
Halliburton
Raymond Peebler
Saddam Hussein
Uday Hussein
Strom Thurmond
Kim Jong Il
David Gest
Hair loss
TMJ
Trent Lott
Botox parties
Fruitcake
Hairballs
Donna Hanver (greedy ex-Mrs. Giuliani)
Ringworm
Arthritis
Slugs
Carson Daly
Charlton Heston
Osama bin Laden
Lock Vista Apartments
Suhrco Mgmt. Co.
Cottage cheese
Virginia McMillan, D.D.S.
Margaret Winkels
Dubya
Sinusitis
Taheed & Ytossie
Blindness
Sickle cell anemia
Pimento cheese
Andy Rooney
Insect bites
Fights/Arguments
Puppy Mills
Pet Stores
Rep. Bud Shuster
Tom Green
Bobby Knight
Bruce Harvey
Neal Boortz
Ray Lewis
John Rocker
Sarah Slagle
Clay Harbin
Cloud 9 "Pet Resort"
L. Ron Hubbard
LFO
Collective Soul
Slobodan Milosevic
Potholes
The Offspring
Artistic differences
Propaganda
Alcoholics
Prejudice
when coffee goes cold
Joan Rivers
Neal Horsley
Geocities banner ads
Monica Lewinsky
Leroy Lounibos
Lockjaw / Hydrophobia
Broken hearts
Braggarts
Brussel sprouts
"just be(ing) friends"
Animal Circuses
When Animals Attack!
P.M.S.
Silverfish
Paper cuts
Byron "Low Tax" Looper
Hypocrisy
Ethnic cleansing
Child abuse
Hard jeans
Tight jeans
Mutated genes
Federal Records Service
Shipwrecks
Melodrama
Cafeteria food
Paranoia
Wannabes
Nightmares
Guilt
Crowds
Drunk people
Earthquakes
Missing puzzle pieces
the American Family Association
Bad hygiene
Bunions
Guns
Puff Daddy/P. Diddy
"Goth" freaks
Running out of toilet paper
Reggie White
Beanie babies
seniors who still drive
Mike Bowers
Falling asleep at work
Paula Jones
Linda Tripp
Ken Starr
Full parking lots
Jellyfish stings
Aggressive drivers
Godzilla
School of the Americas
Burned toast / burned cookies / scorched popcorn
Local news coverage
Smoking
Tobacco
Jihad
Terry Nichols
George "the DUI Lawyer" Stein (Vehicular homicides are his specialty!)
the 7-10 split
Vanilla Ice
Milli Vanilli
Double-dippers
Scientology
Road rash
Getting dumped
Close-talkers
Nasal congestion
John Walker Lindh
Snuff
WWF/WCW Wrestling
Nat’l Org. of Internet Marketing
Spice Girls
Boy bands
Toothaches
Doom
Dread
Hate
Babies with pierced ears
Getting struck by lightning
Ignorance
Heroin
Intolerance
Last call
Paparazzi
Rejection
Road construction detours
Road rage
Constipation
Alzheimer’s disease
Short Notice
Being broke
Men with breasts
Gray areas
Noise
Rape
Divorce
Pedophiles
S.I.D.S. - Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
Repitition
Hanson
Cocaine
Fur coats
Burning the rainforests
FAKE BOOBS!
Frank Gifford
Tim McVeigh
Spam
"Dixie" car horns
Chiggers
the Confederate flag
Jet lag
Teasing
Soap operas
Toll booths
Ineptitude
Uday Hussein
Depression
Repression
Ralph Reed
the Christian Coalition
the Plague
Lyme disease
Mike Tyson
People who don’t vote
Stress
Adobe PageMaker
the N.Y. Mets
Stephen "Sue-em-all" Yagman
Beverly LaHaye
the Independent Film Channel
John Gotti
Sammy "the Bull" Gravano
"Cosa Nostra"
Sentences that end in a preposition
Adolf Hitler
Back hair
Forgetting how a dream ends
Almost sneezing
Growing apart from your friends
Lice
Beggars
Sunburn
Tardiness
Religious Cults
Montgomery Burns
Martin Lawrence
Robert Downey, Jr.
When a vending machine rejects your dollar
Doing laundry
East-West Rap Wars
Notorious B.I.G.
Refolding a map
Suckers
Charles Manson
the Iditarod
Erris Mail Order Marketing Business
Frat boys
Monkey movies
Leaving your headlights on
Hockey fights
Reverse discrimination
Yappy dogs
Coitus Interruptus
Plotless movies
Fighting with your best friend
Generic brand products
Leaky pens
Math classes
Melrose Place
Chess players
Smart-asses
Welfare cheats
Leftover Christmas lights
People who name their kids "Barbi," "Candi," "Buffy," etc.
The Grammy Awards
Celine Dion
Mariah Carey
the Cranberries
Conformists
Seafood
Mistaking baking chocolate for real chocolate
Fingernails on a chalkboard
When someone steals your idea
When someone takes your place
When you hit your funny bone
Magic: The Gathering
Dungeons and Dragons
Alanis Morisette
When an airline loses your luggage
Long-distance relationships
Ruptured discs
Gennifer Flowers
Sailor Moon
Female Circumcision
Priapism
Meteors
Fred Tokars
People who say things like: "Anyways", "Ick-cetera", "nuke-you-ler"...
the Apocalypse
"Wide-leg" jeans
When you can’t get to sleep on Christmas Eve
Ebonics
When you can’t stay awake on New Year’s Eve
"Miracle" meccas
FORCES
ATMs That Charge for use
Charles Keating
Rubberneckers
Jerry Falwell
Freedom Airlines
the Abominable Snowmonster
Cheaters
Fat guys in Speedos
Drive-by shootings
MS-DOS
the Oasis brothers
Make-up companies that experiment on animals
Albert Belle
Forgetting your deodorant
Twinkies
Running out of printer paper
Taco Bell
Escherichia Coli
Gas Station restrooms
People who dis’ the Suck List
Bubba the Love Sponge
Slow downloads
Liars / Lies
Dust mites
Goodbyes
Ol’ Dirty Bastard
People who don’t use keyboard shortcuts
Discrimination
Bob Dornan
K.I.S.S.
Indecision
People who leave their engine running at gas pumps
Leprosy
Violence
Pessimists
Accidently setting your alarm for p.m. instead of a.m.
Mondays
the Ku Klux Klan
Dot matrix printers
Running out of Halloween candy
PEOPLE WHO TYPE E-MAIL IN CAPS
Pork rinds
Sally Struthers
Out-of-order ATMs
James Traficant
Hairspray
People who wear too much cologne/perfume
Richard Simmons
When fast food joints screw up your order
People with nasal voices
Perky people
Amway / Avon
Speedwalkers
People who stare
Smudgy newspaper ink
Dirty public restrooms
Having to work on a holiday
Headaches
Infomercials
Olestra / Olean
Stale potato chips
Unwanted romantic advances
When dogs sniff your crotch
Rodeos
Newman
the Atlanta Falcons
When innocent people get convicted
When guilty people get off
Overpaid/Underpaid people
Deniad
Being a latch-key kid
Pollution
When you have to explain a joke
Overcrowded prisons
Roberto Alomar
Trial Consultants
Kathie Lee Gifford
Sweat shops
John Tesh
David Nachman
John "Harrier" Leonard, Jr.
"Chainsaw" Al Dunlap
Unions
Bryan Ohno
Wet pet food commercials that show the food
Junk mail
Junk E-Mail
Pigeons
People who don’t pronounce ’h’s in words {EX: yoo-man (human), yoo-j (huge)}
Election issues where a "No" vote means "Yes"
Elitism
When things roll under the couch or fridge
Dying (but not quite dead) roaches
"Vote for (whomever)" signs left up from the last election
Drive-through window clerks who drop your change
Broken election promises
Wrapped patties of butter that are too cold to spread
the Macarena
Grungy buildup at the mouth of a ketchup bottle
Bald Tires
3-Way light bulbs that only work 1-way
"Baby On Board" Signs
G. Gordon Liddy
Boxing
Worms
Vampires
Leeches
Dentures
Overdue library books
Mandy Allwood
Olympic Traffic
Militia Groups
David Duke
The Menendez brothers
Gary and Tealisa Downes
Unrequited Love
The Margaret Mitchell House (The "Dump")
Sour milk
Marion Barry
People who don’t wear seatbelts while driving
Diabetes
Nazis
Jocks and Macho types
Mad cow disease
Homophobia
Stalking
People who talk to themselves
Chinese water torture
Dennis Rodman, and people like him
Poor sportsmanship
Dropping something jelly-side down
Broken bones
Computer Viruses
Dentist visits
Leftovers
Having a stupid song stuck in your head
Just missing something
Funny smells in small rooms
Physical therapy
Exhaustion
the I.R.A.
That not-so-fresh feeling
Dandruff
Dander
Women who complain that they’re fat, when they really aren’t
Learning Calculus
9-Pin printers
Trekkies
Jackhammers
Car alarms
Presidential debates
Driver’s license mugshots
the Budweiser frogs
the Energizer bunny
Tabloid newspapers
People who don’t tip
Being the butt of a joke
People who put "quotations" around everything
Silent letters (gnat, pneumonia)
Pretentious middle initials
Rainbow-colored horizontal rules
No more Far Side cartoons
Touching ice with wet hands
Movies based on Saturday Night Live characters
Popcorn stuck between your teeth
Settling for less
Rain after you wash your car
Animals in cages
Bullfights
Tom Metzger
Racism
Allergies
Morning Breath
Bob Dole
Pat Buchanan
SnoopDoggieDoggie
Jebediah Springfield
Gum stuck to your shoe
The Spot / Web Soap Operas
Double spacing after a period.
Satan
the late Helen Kushnick
Boredom
Puck
Wal-Mart
Falling and not being able to get up
Spit
Chewing Tobacco
Lawyers
Rumors
The Nanny
Dennis the Menace
Joey Lawrence
LaToya Jackson
Psychic Hotlines
The hole in the ozone layer
People who don’t believe there’s a hole in the ozone layer
Net Censorship
People who quote an entire e-mail message, (w/ signature), to reply to 1 question
Non-sequiters
Rev. Jim Jones, Jonestown, Guyana
People with 13 items in the "10 items or less" line
Non-functional outdoor water fountains
Barely functional dribbling water fountains
People in theatres who talk during the movie
13
Cold toilet seats
Warm toilet seats
Fuzzy toilet seat covers
Plastic wood finish toilet seat covers
Sanitary napkin / tampon commercials
Spaghetti splatter on a white shirt
Hairs in your shirt after a haircut
Warm salsa
Flat, warm soda
Forgetting where you put the cordless phone
Opera
Hand-me-downs
People who don’t knock
Renting 2 movies, but watching just 1
Knock-knock jokes
Kevin Costner movies (except "Fandango")
"404, not found"
Drooling on your pillow / desk, while take a nap
Pringles commercials
Running out of Post-It’s
Saved By The Bell
People who don’t write back
When you get together with friends, but can’t decide what to do
"Freeing Willy" ... again
When cool TV shows get cancelled
Baywatch
Thinking of a great comeback after an argument is over
Driving behind an open bed truck that’s hauling pebbles
Driving behind a truck that’s carrying logs
When you can’t get the fire started in the fireplace
People who take over 10 minutes at the ATM
Home Shopping channels
When people hang up on your answering machine / voice mail
"No U Turn" intersections
Power Rangers
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Close-mindedness
Running with scissors
Thieves
Pickpockets
Felons
Bigotry
Blink
Mononucleosis
Lynx
The Big Sleep
Pessimism
The Mafia
New Kids on the Block
Innoculations
TV Producer, Tony "2Pay" Hoffman
Biscotti
Herpes
Eggnog
Ephedrine
The Windoze-Only CD in Bill Gates "The Road Ahead"
E-Mail Chain Letters
Freezer Burn
Gold Teeth
The Grinch
Cats that bite and/or scratch
Moose and Squirrel
Forgetting where you parked your car
Operation Rescue / NRLC
Tupac Shakur
Materialism and excess
Jay Leno
That tingly feeling when your foot falls asleep
Hypothermia
Frostbite
Saturday Night Live
Divine Brown
Waltons Thanksgiving Reunion Shows
Homelessness
Government Shutdown
Plaid
Beverly Hills, 90210
2400 bps baud
People who park where it says "NO PARKING"
Dr. Pepper
Mentos Commercials
Bob Saget shows
"If it bleeds, it leads."
Canker sores
Blisters
the way Ivory soap disintegrates after a few days of use
The new Pert Plus formula
Mold / Mildew
Parents who don’t put their kids in car seats
Gnats
Fleas
Poison Ivy / Poison Oak
the (first) O.J. verdict
Mark Fuhrman
Hurricanes
Tropical Storms
When the electricity goes out
When the cable goes out
Resetting all your clocks after the electricity goes out
Hiccups
Spiders / Snakes
Bad Hair Days
Wrinkles
Stains
Video Rental Late Fees
Ants
Mosquitos
Flies
Fraud
Ambulance Chasers
Johnny Cochran / the "Dream Team"
Missing socks
Flat tires
Job interviews
Typos
Pauly Shore
Floods
Jenny Jones, Ricki Lake, Jerry Springer, et. al...
Gas-Powered lawn tools
The Bible Belt
Psycho Ex-Girlfriends
Tornadoes
O.J. (the murderer, not the beverage)
Tom Shane commercials
Nausea
Cold Sweats
Flop Sweat
Warm beer
the DT’s
Atlanta Summers
Insurance payments
Broken shoelaces
Biting your tongue (figuratively and literally)
Jock itch
Loan payments
Losing things
Breaking the tip off a freshly sharpened pencil
Picas
AIDS
Traffic Jams
The Sunshine Slowdown
When the bottom of your foot itches
Exploding Ink Pens
Debt
D.U.I.
Jesse Helms
Pepsi
Teflon-coated bullets
the Unabomber - Ted Kaczinsky
Power Surges
Rhetoric
War
Poodles
"Attention K-Mart Shoppers..."
Never a cop around when you need one
Fillibusters
Overexposed Film
Underexposed Film
Dishpan Hands
Poverty
Flesh-eating viruses
LDL Cholesterol
Pot bellies
Censorship
Potheads
Hangnails
Car dings
Pennies
Getting up before the sun
80’s slang
Panhandlers
Bad egg salad (isn’t that a band?)
Egg salad
Enriched Wheat flour
Tap Water at the Beach
Speeding tickets
Pat Robertson
Hootie and the Blowfish
Greg Kucera
Humidity
Insomnia
Narcolepszzzzz
only 24 hours in a day
Working the graveyard shift
Joey Buttafuoco
The fact that the "Things That Don’t Suck" list is shorter than this one
Brain Freeze
Forgetting things
When you’re down to your last Mento
Condiment Crust
Fat Free Chocolate
Rainy Weekends
Expired coupons
Voice mail jail
That damn "chicken/egg" argument
When someone steals your license plate (5/2/95)
Getting used to the startling vibrations of a new pager
Phone tag
Pencils with no eraser
Pens with no ink
An itch that you can’t reach
Helvetica and Times Roman
Bus Fumes
Blunt thumb tacks
Ticketmaster
When your Girl Scout Cookies run out
Terrorism
Squeaky brakes
Modem line noise
Freaknik
Running out of gas
Delinquent debtors
Dust bunnies
Losing an hour to that "Spring Forward" crap
Acid Indigestion
Hazing
Dead Ends
One-way streets
Dry skin
Static Electric shocks
Pollen on a freshly washed car
Bullies
Babies in Movie Theatres
Busy Signals
Mind games
Splinters
Termites
Roaches
MSG
Morning Eye Crud
Soap scum
Zacarias Moussaoui
People who don’t use turn signals
Myclonic jerks
Radio D.J.s who put you on hold for 30 minutes
Newt Gingrich
Mr. Blackwell
Slow Putt Putters
Gangrene
Bow ties
Deer ticks
Congressional deadlock
Mudslinging
Post5cript errors
Crack
Traffic Court
Taxes
Bruises
Braces
Static Cling
Stamp glue
Asbestos
Litter / Litterbugs
Nuclear weapons / waste / fallout
Cigarettes
Second-hand smoke
Barney the dinosaur
Bounced checks
Rabid dogs
Deadbeat Dads
Anchovies
Ingrown toenails
Styrofoam
People who can’t pronounce: nuclear, amphitheatre,...
Dry heaves
Full parking lots
Waiting in long, slow lines
Frivilous lawsuits
Parties where you don’t know anyone
Rats
Last place sports teams
Inflation
Disgruntled Postal workers
Bullets
Weak Condoms
AM radio
When you learn the truth about Santa Claus
Blue Laws
Colorized classic movies
Poorly-dubbed foreign films
Telemarketers
Rust
Plaque / Cavities / Tooth Decay
Cold Feet
Warts
Pencils without erasers
Dead batteries
Things made only for right handed people
Radio commercials
Lost keys
Going Bald
Toupees
Ear wax
Vacuums
My love life
Zits
the heel of a loaf of bread
Fabio
Used Car salesmen
Michael Bolton
Sanford ’Spam King’ Wallace
Rush Limbaugh
Car mechanics that change your radio, mirrors, and seat position
Morning people
Decaffeinated coffee
Reruns on TV
the NRA
the Flu
Country & Western Music
Homework
Wet matches
Broccolli
Televangelists
Deadlines
Dirty Diapers
Halitosis
Diaper Rash
Toxic Waste
Long lists
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